Now we will leave off this matter, says Malory, and speak we of Sir Tristram, and of Sir Palomides, and that sound you hear is me banging my head against my desk. The tail end of Book XII, chapters 11 to 14, wrap up the Tristram ‘n Palomides saga, more or less. I’m not going to go into any detail, because it’s awful. Instead, I’m just going to give you the super quick version.
CHAPTERS 11 TO 14, THE SUPER QUICK VERSION
Tristram does a bunch of strange adventures, that’s what he’s been doing this whole time so quit asking. Isoud fills him in on the events of Book XI and Book XII to this point, which she knows all about through her spy network and her correspondence with Guenever.
“Great!” says Tristram. “Let’s go to Camelot and party!”
“Eugh, let’s not,” says Isoud. “The ladies at Camelot are all so catty; they’re jealous of how hot I am. But no, go without me, and joust a bunch of guys, so that they don’t think you’re chicken.”
So Tristram heads out, not wearing armor for some reason. On the way to Camelot he bumps into Sir Palomides.
“Tristram! Let’s joust and settle our longstanding on-again, off-again emnity!” suggests Palomides.
“Well, I don’t have my armor on, but I’m no chicken!” So they joust a bunch, and Palomides is winning, but he feels bad on account of he has armor and Tristram doesn’t.
“Jerk!” says Tristram.
“Call it a draw?”
“Yeah, okay.” They ride together. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, why haven’t you ever converted to Christianity?”
“Oh, no good reason,” says Palomides. “I’ve been meaning to, I’m just lazy I guess.”
“Here’s what we do. We attack that knight over there…” Tristram points at a guy, Sir Galleron of Galway. “And I take his armor, because I don’t have any, and then we do a straight-up joust with us both in armor, and then we’ll get you baptized!”
And that is what happens! Sir Galleron is not especially cool with it, but he’s outnumbered two to one. Afterwards they force him to be Palomides’s godfather at the baptism.
“Sorry about being in love with your, well, not wife. Isoud,” says Palomides.
“No big,” says Tristram. “I forgive you.”
They arrive in Camelot! The king and all the court were glad that Sir Palomides was christened… and Sir Tristram returned against to Joyous Gard, and Sir Palomides followed the Questing Beast. The end.