We rejoin the tale of Morgan and her convenient knights, already in progress. “Well,” she says, “that surely was something. Arthur chasing after us, all mad like that…”
“I don’t like Arthur!”
“No! He’s scary!”
“So scary! I was so scared!”
“I wanted to run away but I couldn’t because I was polymorphed into a boulder!”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure you were very frightened,” replies Morgan. “Now let’s get going; Gore is still several days off from here.”
So Morgan and her entourage proceed across the landscape, and later that same day they come across a pair of knights engaged in fun times: one is tied up and blindfolded on a horse, which horse another knight (who isn’t tied up or blindfolded, and is in fact armed and armored) leads.
“Ho, knight,” says Morgan to the guy clearly in charge. “What’s all this?”
“Avert your eyes from this varlet, ladyship,” says the knight in armor. “I’m going to throw him down that well over there.”
“Really? Good for you. Why?”
“Oh, you don’t even want to know, o delicate flower of ladyship. This cur was sleeping with my wife!”
“No!” Morgan feigns shock.
“Indeed! So naturally, into the well with him. Then I’m heading back to the manor, going to grab my wife, and toss her in after him.”
Morgan sighs. “Really? Throw your wife down a well? Really? Really?”
SMASH CUT to the knight sprawling on the ground, magic missile’d in the face. Morgan’s men tie him up and untie the other knight, and Morgan turns to the freed prisoner.
“So what’s your story, then? Do you plan on throwing any wives down wells?”
“No ma’am,” says the knight. “I didn’t even sleep with his wife, I swear.”
“I don’t care,” says Morgan. “Look at me. Do I look like I care? I don’t care. Wives should be able to sleep with anyone.”
“What’s your name, knight?”
“I am Sir Manassen, of King Arthur’s Court, cousin to Sir Accolon of France and more recently of Gore, ladyship.”
“Oh!” Morgan puts a hand to her lips. “I knew Sir Accolon.”
“I know, ma’am. You’re Queen Morgan of Gore, Arthur’s sister. Kind of a big deal.”
“It’s for Sir Accolon’s sake, then, that I do this.” Morgan has the other knight hog-tied, blindfolded, and stripped of his arms and armor, all of which she presents to Sir Manassen. Then everyone works together, gets the other knight thrown down the well.
Afterwards Sir Manassen is all, guess I’ll be making my way home to Camelot, and asks if Morgan has any messages she wants sent along.
“Tell Arthur I rescued you not as a favor to him, but out of respect for the memory of Sir Accolon. Also, tell him I’m not scared of him because I can polymorph into gravel any time I like. Also, tell everyone that I’ll be running Gore directly from now on, in a state of rebellion from Arthur’s rule. Uriens, he can stay in Camelot, go to hell, whatever, he’s not welcome in Gore. Ditto with Uwaine. Oh, and say hi to Guenever.”
And then Morgan went home to Gore, closed the borders, and began an unprecedented military buildup.
Meanwhile! Sir Manassen gets back to Camelot, and passes along all of Morgan’s wishes to their respective parties, and man is Arthur ever pissed (Arthur got back to Camelot sometime earlier in this chapter). He’s not alone in his wrath, either: much of Camelot is talking about how what Morgan really needs is to be lit on fire. That’ll teach her!
Arthur mutters to himself about how he’ll avenge himself on her, oh yeah, that will happen, definitely, just you wait, grumble grumble.
A week or so goes by, and a darkened cloud yet hangs over Camelot. And so it is when Mildred arrives from Gore, bearing a gift basket from Morgan and an apology note.
The gift basket contains a magic coat made out of diamonds, held together with golden wire. It is the shiniest thing anyone at Camelot has ever seen!
“Dear Arthur, sorry. Have a coat. We should talk more. Love, your sister Morgan,” reads Mildred aloud.
Arthur just stares at the coat. Has Morgan had a sudden change of heart? Will Arthur don the magic coat? Will it explode, or is the magic coat ticking only because it contains an integrated clock? Tune in next chapter for the answer to some of these questions!