Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur, Book III Chapter VIII
Gawaine goes into the castle and lies down, but he can’t get comfortable what with his armor and his sword and his extra sword and his dagger and his mace, so he starts to take all that stuff off, and Gaheris is like, “whoa! Gawaine, brother, seriously, you’re going to remove your armor? We’re in hostile territory here, man, you don’t know who might show up at any moment!”
No sooner had he said this then, as so often happens in Malory, his concern is immediately demonstrated as well-founded. Four knights ride up out of nowhere and start assailing at Gawaine, assailing hard.
“Jackass!” cries one.
“Foul knight!” cries another.
“You shouldn’t even be a knight!” says the third. “Knights are guys who are merciful and don’t go around murdering ladies!”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!” shouts the fourth. “If you have no mercy then we’ll have no mercy for you, I tell you what! Get out here so we can beat on you!”
So Gawaine and Gaheris spring out and there’s a fight and maybe it’s because Gaheris is like twelve and maybe it’s because they’re outnumbered more than two to one and maybe it’s because an archer comes up from out of nowhere and starts peppering Gawaine and Gaheris with arrows and Gawaine takes one hard in the bicep of his swording arm, but long story short, the four knights have the two of them down and on their knees and they’re about to strike the killing blows. Then suddenly a thing happens!
Four ladies run out of nowhere and somehow are not accidentally slain by the four knights on their backswings. No, these four ladies beseech the four knights to be better men than Gawaine and Gaheris, and show mercy after all, and the knights agree and take Gawaine and Gaheris prisoner.
“This sucks,” says Gawaine.
“You think this sucks? You at least have armor and get to call yourself a knight,” says Gaheris. “I’ve got it way worse than you. I didn’t even kill anybody, remember, and here I’m paying the penalty for your crimes!”
“Don’t be that way,” whines Gawaine. “Anyway my arm really hurts, it’s probably going to get gangrene and have to be chopped off.”
“Whatever,” says Gaheris.
“I’m related to King Arthur, you know? This shouldn’t be happening to me!”
“Gah, dude, I am just as related to him as you are, and I didn’t kill anyone and also I have to listen to you whine.”
Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur, Book III Chapter VIII — No Comments
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