In the morning Bors wakes up and reflects on what a crazy dream he had.  Modestly, he dresses himself before meeting with Catherine, and even more modestly, he insists on the two of them taking in a Mass before they get down to business.

Business item one: Bors meeting the knights he’s going to lead into battle against Minnie-May’s champion, Pridam, and his men.

Business item two: Bors suiting up, with armor and sword and so on.

Business item three: Catherine once more offering Bors some meat, hint hint.

Business item four: Bors gallantly declining.

Then Bors rides off with his new entourage of assistant knights!  Catherine watches them go, and then she turns to Minnie-May (Minnie-May was totally there you guys) and says “Madam, ye have done me wrong to bereave me of my lands that King Aniause gave me, and full loath I am there should be any battle.

“Yeah, well, it’s not up to you,” says Minnie-May.  “Unless you want Sir Virtuous over there to forfeit.”

 

Battle is maybe a strong term for it though, because what happens next is (as I’m sure you’ve guessed) a jousting tournament.  Bors and his guys are one list, Pridam and his guys are the other, and blah blah blah.  Long story short, Bors is lightly wounded, Pridam is maimed but Bors accepts his surrender, and Minnie-May runs away when she sees that Bors won the joust.

Bors addresses Minnie-May’s remaining knights.  “Okay, so, fellas, as you can see, I’ve defeated your champion.  Minnie-May fled, Catherine wins.  You can either swear fealty to her and let her rule this land from her throne in the Tower of the Hot Chick, or else I’ll club you to death.  What’s it going to be?”

The various knights all accede to Bors’s demand.  They kneel before Catherine, and everyone cheers, and she’s the rightful queen of the area.  They have a big party, after which Catherine asks Bors one more time if he’s interested in a endless stream of carnal pleasures, just all the steak and pork and veal he can eat.  Title of prince consort, fealty of all the knights, living happily ever after with the Queen of the Tower of the Hot Chick.

“Nope!”

“Suit yourself,” says Catherine, and she disappears forever from the story as Bors rides off.

 

Farewell, Catherine!  You managed not to be horrible!  The running total of non-horrible female characters is now two, Catherine and Nimue.  Maybe more if you include the mothers of King Arthur, Sir Launcelot, or Sir Tristram, but they didn’t really do anything.


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Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur, Book XVI Chapters 8 and 9 — No Comments

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