Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur Book XIII Chapters 14 and 15
Three days later, Melias has turned the corner and Galahad is itching to get back to that Grail-Quest. Melias’s caretaker, the good man about whom Malory has nothing to say, gives a little monologue about how great Galahad is. He’s so great he doesn’t even need to take the sacrament of confession and get his sins wiped away! He doesn’t have any sins! Melias, by contrast, is a normal guy, with normal sins, and he’s a good knight yet also wicked enough that magic knights attack him. The two magic knights that fought Melias and Galahad signify two discrete sins which were wholly in this knight Melias, whereas Galahad had zero magic knights attackng him, and therefore zero sins.
Galahad is awesome, is the moral of this story.
Once this lesson has been painstakingly delivered, Galahad rides off, leaving Melias to recover. Galahad rides many journeys forward and backward as adventure would lead him, in an extended travel montage. Finally he passes an abandoned castle called Abblasoure, beyond which is a mountainous wild region absent of people, aka Wales. Within these Welsh wilds Galahad discovers a disused and half-ruined church! So naturally he goes inside to pray.
Within, all [is] desolate, but he kneels down and prays nevertheless. And his prayer is answered by a mysterious voice!
“Go thou now, thou adventurous knight, to the Castle of the Maidens, and there do thou away the wicked customs.”
“Whoa,” says Galahad. “Thanks for the tip, Jesus!” He gets up and leaves.
A half-mile up the road, at the headwaters of the Severn River, Galahad spies a big castle, well-maintained with a lot of defensive earthworks.
“What’s that castle?” he asks a peasant.
“Fair sir, it is the Castle of the Maidens,” is the answer.
“Oh, is it? Jesus asked me to settle their hash. They’ve got some wicked customs there.”
“Yessir. You should probably just keep going.”
“That ain’t happening!” Galahad double-checks his weapons and his armor and his shield and he rides up to the front gate of the Castle of the Maidens, to see just what all the furor is about.
A bevy of seven maidens meets him. “Don’t you cross our moat!” they warn him, but he crosses anyway.
Inside the gates a squire flags him down. “Sir! Sir? Sir. Welcome to the Castle of the Maidens,” the squire says, once he has Galahad’s attention. “I hope you enjoy your visit. The knights who live in that keep over there,” and here he points at one of the structures within the Castle of the Maidens complex, “sent me out to ask you why you’re here.”
Galahad sees no reason not to be forthright. “Jesus sent me to end your wicked custom. He was nonspecific as to what exactly it was, but I figure I’ll know it when I see it.”
“Huh, wow.” The squire was not expecting that. “That’s a pretty tall order.”
“Whatever.” Galahad shrugs. “Do me a solid, go get started on whatever the process for ending your wicked customs is, okay?”
“I’ll need to talk to my supervisor.” The squire retreats into the castle.
Pretty soon seven knights come out from the castle! They’re all brothers and they ask Galahad again to leave.
“Nope! We can joust it out if you want!”
“Joust? Bah! This is Wales!” The knights do not cotton to fancypants English-style jousting. “We’ll just murder you seven on one!”
Galahad, perfection that he is, is kind of a fan of jousting. “Don’t you want to lay down some rules?”
“Rules?” The lead Welsh fighter is particularly incredulous. “In a knight fight?”
Galahad’s response is to heave his lance direct into the throat of the lead knight, killing him instantly.
The other six try to batter him with their spears, but Galahad’s has his magic shield, which deflects their blows! Then he draws his magic sword, and the surviving brothers flee into the castle and out the other side.
Wait — Castle Anthrax is canonical?
And I’ve got to wonder how a Catholic theologian would address:
>He’s so great he doesn’t even need to take the sacrament of confession and get his sins wiped away!
Wait — Castle Anthrax is canonical?
I was as surprised as you!