Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur, Book X Chapters 19 and 20
Palomides rides up on Lamorak.
“Dude!” he says. “The way you let me help you out and fight two of Morgan’s knights and then they dehorsed me and you beat them both? That was extremely embarrassing for me! I expect you to make it right!”
“What? No,” says Lamorak. “I mean, that’s not my fault. Blame Morgan’s knights for that. But also, I just beat like twelve to fifteen knights. I am travailed sore and not up for further jousting today.”
“I don’t care,” says Palomides. “Joust me joust me joust me!”
“Jesus C. Penney, fine. Fine.” And Lamorak sighs heavily and turns around in his saddle and laboriously pulls out his jousting lance, and gets ready to joust.
“Nay, I will not joust,” says Palomides.
“Make up your damn mind!”
“You’re clearly a great jouster, since you defeated twelve to fifteen knights in the last entry! You’ll cream me! I’m not going to set myself up for a loss like that!”
“It would beseem a knight to joust,” growls Lamorak.
“Let’s fight on foot! You weren’t on foot before. This will be more fair.”
So Palomides and Lamorak sword-fight, on foot, for the mountenance of an hour, so, like forty-five minutes? Lamorak wounds Palomides, but Palomides blames the original dehorsing he got at the hands of Morgan’s knights that started him off on this path.
“What say we call it a draw?” asks Palomides, as he huffs and puffs and eyes Lamorak’s sword stained with Palomides’s blood.
“Whatever,” says Lamorak. “Jerk.”
“I never got your name, either,” says Palomides. “I require of thy knighthood tell me thy name.”
“Screw you, that’s my name,” says Lamorak. “What’s yours? Is it Mister Jackass?”
“Oh, you didn’t recognize me? I’m a little famous. A rising star. I assumed you’d heard of me,” says Palomides, who really isn’t coming off very well in this conversation. “I’m Sir Palomides.”
“Oh, all right. I’m Sir Lamorak de Galis, son of King Pellinore and half-brother of Sir Tor.”
“Crap, you’re a guy who appears in multiple scenes? I’m sorry!” Palomides immediately drops to his knees and begs forgiveness. “I wouldn’t have been such a jerk except that I thought you were an incidental character like Sir Miles or Sir Hontzlake!”
“Apology accepted,” says Lamorak, because he is legit the better man here.
“Let’s be blood brothers!”
“Um, sure. Except my brother Sir Tor, you know… I already have a brother. A few, actually.”
“I have a couple of brothers too, no big.”
So they hug, and then Sir Dinadan comes in and the three of them find a nearby convent and sleep there overnight.
(Malory tosses in a quick King Mark interlude here, in which the cadre of knights last seen in Chapter 13 return to Camelot with Dagonet the jester, and tell everybody the funny story about how King Mark was humiliated. Arthur and everybody have a good laugh at Mark’s expense, even more so when they call Mark in and get him to confirm all the most humiliating parts.)
In the morning, they ride together for a little while, but Palomides and Lamorak are both wounded, so the pair of them decide to tuck in at Sir Galahalt’s castle.
“Sticking around, Dinadan?” asks Lamorak.
“Nah,” says Dinadan. “I’m sort of Tristram’s designated sidekick. I’ve got to go to Camelot, now that he’s there, and check in.”
Palomides does a spit-take! “Ah, Dinadan, now do I understand that you love my mortal enemy, and therefore how should I trust you?” he asks. “I mean, what?”
“What yourself,” retorts Dinadan. “Don’t you remember when the three of us were in prison and Tristram had a depressive episode and we both helped him through it? I’ve been Tristram’s sidekick for quite a while now. Don’t pretend this is news to you.”
“Tristram’s not a bad guy,” pipes up Lamorak. “Well, okay, but even so, he’s not a villain. Well, okay, he’s not a super-villain. I think we can all agree to that one.”
Anyway, after a little side trek wherein Dinadan meets a random knight who claims he wants to have a friendly joust to the death, and Dinadan explains the problems with that, he arrives at Camelot where he tells Tristram and Arthur all about his recent adventures, leaving out only the parts about King Mark. He promised not to tell them about Mark!
“Amazing,” says Arthur. “Lamorak defeated that many knights?”
“And then dueled Palomides to a standstill, too,” says Dinadan.
“I’d like to meet this ‘Lamorak,'” says Arthur. “Make it so!”
Primary Sources: Le Morte D’Arthur, Book X Chapters 19 and 20 — No Comments
HTML tags allowed in your comment: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>