Sir Dinadan’s strange adventure turns out to be pretty brief, and also to require a trigger warning perhaps, inasmuch as he meets a damosel who mak[es] great dole. Long story short, she tells Dinadan how Pitiless Bruce murdered her brother and ever since hath kept [her] at his own will, and of all the men in the world [she hates] him the most. Dinadan happens to be in the right place at the right time, as Pitiless Bruce is just a few minutes behind her on the road.
Pitiless Bruce appears, sees a man talking to the woman he thinks of as his property, gets mad and charges him. Bruce and Dinadan fight, not so much a joust as Dinadan beating the crap out of Rapist Bruce in a no-rules beat-‘em-up. Bruce flees, as he always does, and Dinadan walks the damosel four miles up the road to her uncle’s castle, where they’re both welcomed and feted.
The end! The moral: don’t rape anybody.
Sir Palomides’s strange adventure is so boring Malory clean forgets about it, so we skip ahead to Sir Tristram’s strange adventure. Tristram’s is pretty good, Malory says, and has Morgan le Fay in it.
Tristram rides along until nightfall. He stops at a castle and requests a room for the night, as is knightly custom. This castle happens to be one of Morgan le Fay’s! She happens to be in residence! Of course she’s pleased as punch to offer Tristram a room, but in the morning when he wants to leave, all the doors are suspiciously locked.
“Jesu defend!” cries Tristram, when Morgan announces her plan to keep him prisoner. “I was just in prison!”
“Well, get used to it,” says Morgan. “I’m pretty sure you’re a main character knight, but I can’t tell which one, so until I figure that out, you’re going to be my honored guest.”
Tristram scowls and kicks the ground.
Morgan turns to her current lover, Sir Hemison. “Hemison, move your stuff one seat down. I want Sir Incognito here right next to me.”
Sir Hemison reluctantly obeys, but as he watches Morgan flirt with Tristram he’s overcome with emotion! He quakes! He shakes! He would very much like to joust Tristram but not at the dinner table!
Morgan realizes that she’s being unfair to Hemison. She sighs. “Listen, Sir Incognito, it’s been fun, but I suppose I should let you go, if you don’t want to be here and it upsets Hemison and all.”
Morgan le Fay: super-villain! So evil, Malory keeps reminding us!