Launcelot didn’t manage to catch Brisen, and he gave up and left eventually. Nine months later, Elaine’s son was born! Everyone present thought this was awesome. They named him Galahad, which Malory reminds us was Launcelot’s middle name, as Merlin pointed out in Book IV. Malory forgets the details of that chapter and claims that it was Nimue who named him Launcelot, but of course that makes no sense.

Later Elaine’s boyfriend showed up. Elaine had been keeping this guy at arm’s length and he didn’t know about the pregnancy! His name was, Malory says, Sir Bromel la Pleche. According to the internet, that might translate as Bromel the Pleasant, or maybe Malory was trying to say Bromel from the House with a Hedge Around It.

Anyway, Bromel showed up to propose to Elaine. He’d been meaning to for some time, but she kept rescheduling on him; it’d been nearly nine months since he saw her last.

“Bromel, hi.” Elaine smiled insincerely. “I know, you’re like, why’s she been avoiding me? The thing is, what with one thing and another, I’ve had another knight’s son.”

“Seriously?” Surprisingly, Bromel was willing to handle this. His love could survive this test!

“Also I adore him!” cried Elaine. “He is the best knight in the world and also the father of my child and granted, he and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on the whole consent thing, but surely we can work through that. I just love him soooooo much.”

“What?”

It is Sir Launcelot du Lake that I love and none other, and therefore woo me no longer.

“I have no idea who this Launcelot guy is,” said Bromel. “Because I’ve been living under a rock, apparently? But tell you what, I’m going to camp out in your front yard. If and when he shows up, I’ll joust him and defeat him and kill him, and then you’ll love me again!”

“That’s a very bad plan,” said Elaine.

“Not listening!” cried Bromel. He went and camped out on Castle Corbin’s lawn.

I think Elaine was correct inasmuch as Bromel’s plan was a bad one. In fact, I can think of three problems with the plan. One, Launcelot would defeat Bromel in a joust in about five seconds. Two, Launcelot had left Castle Corbin and gave no indication he would ever return. Three, Elaine just wasn’t into Bromel. Bromel probably thought that he was a nice guy and that therefore he was entitled to ownership of Elaine, but that is not how life works, Bromel. Someone needs to tell you, most so-called nice guys are actually self-obsessed assholes who camp out on the front lawns of their would-be girlfriends, planning to joust all passersby.


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