IT CAME FROM ANOTHER SERIES
IT CAME FROM ANOTHER SERIES
In the twilight days of the wax-droid era, the respected travel guide Zagat’s Guide to Killing Time Until You Die listed, rated, and reviewed no fewer than four thousand theme parks based on popular fictional milieus of the 20th and 21st centuries. Here’s what it had to say about Futurama-O-Rama, a wax-droid park on Pertefferton IX, and the original home of Fry v.7.3.5.
“Thrill-seekers in the Pertefferton system might also consider Futurama-O-Rama out on planet nine. The gate fee is only 87% of the Simpsons/Futurama/M*A*S*H industry average, but given the substandard soy milk available in the New New York Automat and the low-quality spice weasel substitute sold in Elzar’s Gift-Shop It Up A Notch, a thrifty tourist may prefer Futurama-Dama-Ding-Dong, a mere eleven parsecs away on Loorin III, which is built to identical specifications, sells superior concessions, and has an entry fee of only 98% the industry average. Two stars.”
Despite this lackluster endorsement, the robotic inhabitants of Futurama-O-Rama lived their robotic lives, making robotic love, pursuing bitter robotic vendettas and laughing at one another’s robotic antics. As so often happened, gate receipts gradually fell off and managerial oversight of the park declined to nil without the droids even noticing.
When Fry and Bender and Leela celebrated their seven thousandth anniversaries working at Planet Express, they didn’t think anything was unusual about it, on account of they’d been programmed not to. Likewise, the deepening friendship-cum-developing love affair between Fry and Leela never advanced to the next level, Professor Farnsworth never died of old age, Cubert never went through puberty, and Bender never mastered the banjo.
This happy and comedic basal state was only disrupted by the Professor’s discovery (using the elaborate schema of telescopes, smelloscopes, and spectrometers in his laboratory) that the Pertefferton star was in grave danger of exploding into a massive ball of white-hot plasma.
I mean, a bigger massive ball of white-hot plasma. Big enough to engulf all the planets in the system and melt any droid present. As usual, the task of resolving this world-threatening crisis fell to the Planet Express crew – Fry, Leela, and Bender. As they remembered doing so many times before (but had never actually done) they piled into the delivery ship, eager to blast off into space and find help, possibly from Globetrotters.
The launch was suspended, however, when someone noticed that the delivery ship was just a prop and had no actual engines or life-support system and that the reactor core was paper-mache.
A park-wide search turned up three Blue Midget-class short-range transports, and so the three main characters each climbed into one and flew off into deep space headed in three different directions. The first to find help was to signal the others, and the planet, and then everyone would be reunited for the grand finale of the episode.
Granted, perhaps they should have checked to see if the Blue Midgets had long-range communicators, or sought out some star charts or something to ensure that the courses they set wouldn’t be simple treks out into the endless void, but it all seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fry named his little pod the SuperMegaUltra-Kablammo-Pod of Fiery Doom! and outfitted it with death rays in case he meets hostile aliens, and laser pointers, in case he meets any rock bands who want a cheap light show. Also fins, and flame decals, which he calculates make the pod go 500% faster.
Fry, like many wax droids, doesn’t realize he isn’t human. He’s slightly better-equipped to accept reality than most, since he comes from a sci-fi comic background not entirely dissimilar to Red Dwarf. He does, however, think aliens exist and that several are his close personal friends.
Character Name: Phillip J. Fry v.7.3.5
Character Type: Wax Droid (Trivia 1, Empathy 1)
Agility 4
Dexterity 5
Strength 5
Perception 3
Intelligence 1
Willpower 2
Initiative 7
Save 7
Shrug 4
Destiny 1
Agility Skills (5 points)
Athletics 2
Dance (Breakdancing) 1/3
Pilot: Transport (Blue Midget) 0/2
Dexterity Skills (3 points)
Active Games (Nintendo) 2/4
Instrument (Holophonor) 0/2
Strength Skills (10 points)
Climb 1
Swim 1
Endurance 4
Strength Feat 4
Perception Skills (10 points)
Con 1
Empathy 3
Passive Games 3
Seduction 1
Social 3
Intelligence Skills (4 points)
Trivia (20th Century Pop Culture) 5
Willpower Skills (4 points)
Resist 4
36 points total spent on skills, six in the hole
Three point contribution leaves three in the hole
Assets: Celebrity 1 (main character of 21st century cartoon show), Charisma (2), Dumb Luck 2
Five points total spent on assets means eight in the hole
Liabilities: Delusion (I am a human) (2), Delusion (aliens exist) (1), Gimboid (2), Gullibility (2), Moral Restriction (Childlike loyalty to friends) (1)