Gandalf the Grey version 8.3.1
Erebor Park, an exact recreation of Middle-Earth built on 1:1 scale, was one of the fifty most popular Tolkein-based theme parks listed in Zagat’s Guide to Killing Time Until You Die. For centuries the specially designed wax droids of Aragorn, Leoglas, Eowyn, and so forth entertained visiting tourists with their banter, sword-fighting, trick archery, and old-timey stilted dialogue. Gandalf the Grey, of course, was one of the centerpieces of the exhibit, locked in combat with the fiendish Balrog deep in the mines of Moria. Visitors took a special tram from Rivendell just to see him.
Sometime in the past few million years the flow of tourists slowed, then stopped. Gandalf barely noticed, of course, focused on fighting the Balrog. Several thousand years after that, however, the Balrog droid broke down. Unsure what to do, but flush with triumph, Gandalf left Moria a scant dozen centuries later, heading towards Lorien.
Halfway to Lorien, Gandalf noticed that the rest of Middle-Earth was little more than wreckage, as if it were a theme park that had not been maintained for many hundreds of thousands of years. Gandalf decided that while he had been tied up with the Balrog, Sauron must have obtained the Ring and covered all the world in a second darkness. He vowed to find and defeat Sauron, rallying the Free Peoples together in an assault on Barad-dur.
It didn’t go well. Lorien was deserted. Minas Tirith was in ruins. Hobbiton was just a few bare hills. Gandalf was unable to find a single other inhabitant of Middle Earth, not even any of the eagles.
He has not given up on defeating Sauron, however.
He just has to find Sauron first.
Name: Gandalf the Grey, version 8.3.1
Rank: N/A
Serial #: 8.3.1-2.165.0A
Age: N/A
Sex: M (sexless)
Height: 1.88 m
Weight: 81.6 kg
Smoker? Y
Eyes: Grey
Hair: Grey
Place of Birth: Erebor Park, Tau Ceti VI
Distinguishing Marks: Thick gray beard, hooked nose, stern gaze
Race: Wax Droid
Connections: Elrond, Galadriel, the Fellowship of the Ring, et cetera (all now defunct)
Goals: Defeat the Second Darkness, entertain tourists
Assets: Courage, Stoicism (3), Celebrity (3), Unusual Talent: Blow neat smoke things
Liabilities: Addiction to Pipe-weed, Delusion (Will return as Gandalf the White), Delusion (In High Fantasy setting, not Low Space Opera), No Sense of Smell or Taste, Intolerance (Forces of Sauron)
Behavior Tags: Pretends to be wise, recasts everything he encounters into Middle-Earth terms (Simulants become orcs, bazookoids become bows, skutters become hobbits, et cetera)
I Want to be Remembered For: Being the highlight of the tour
Tagline: “Back! Back, Flame of Undun! You shall not pass!”
Agility 3
Athletics 2
Self Defense 2
With Glamdring 4
Dexterity 3
Demolitions 3
Strength 6
Endurance 4
Strength Feat 4
Perception 2
Awareness 2
Con 1
Drawing Out a Story 3
Intelligence 2
History (Middle-Earth) 2
Languages (English, Numenorean, Elvish)
Middle-Earth Trivia 2
Willpower 4
Intimidation 4
Gear: Pointed blue hat, silver scarf, Glamdring, long gray cloak, thick gray robes (AV 3), and immense black boots.