Ersatz Men
Old man walking down the street, maybe homeless, muttering to himself. Maybe he’s wearing an earpiece cellular phone, or maybe he habitually talks to himself, or maybe he has some kind of undiagnosed hebephrenia. Maybe not. Maybe he’s a simulacrum, an ersatz man. Maybe inside his chest sits an angry little elemental, all wisps and anger, who with tendril-arms extruded through his frame directs his motion. Maybe the mutters in an unfortunate but unavoidable side effect of this control.
Cut the man open and you would see no heart, no liver, no spleen, just a nervous system, and for that matter the bulk of the nervous system’s mass would be located in the chest cavity, where blood should be. The wisp escapes as you cut the man open, of course: mere terrestrial weapons are useless against it. It’s the way you can’t douse a fire with a steak knife.
How to tell the difference, then between the hebephrenic and the alien scout? Easy to assume he’s not a man with a cell phone. They don’t make cell phones too small to see, and there is no visible earpiece. Two choices only. Guess wrong, and an innocent man’s blood is on your hands or, worse, the integrity of this spacetime itself might be compromised as an invader from elsewhere is permitted to spy freely on us. The choice is a crucial one!
Crucial, and difficult. Engage the man in conversation. If he asks you for change, then he is simply a homeless man who habitually talks to himself: this is no crime. If he rebuffs you, then he is a man with a residence, who habitually talks to himself: this too is legal. If he speaks nonsense! This is the dangerous road, the lightning-way towards recognizing which mankind’s two oldest foes (madness and space monsters) has gripped the unfortunate. But hearing the words the man speaks is, in itself, an activity without purpose. The phrases that fall from the lips of the mentally ill and the lips of the wisp-possessed are interchangeable; it is fungible nonsense.
One act only can save you. One way there is, to recognize the invader and separate out the chaff that is the hebephrenic. Hose the man down! A bucket of water works equally well, and in a pinch any beverage (for safety’s sake, hot coffee is not recommended) less than forty proof can be splashed onto the target. Wet the man, wet him and then observe his reaction, which will fall into one of two general categories.
If the target reacts negatively! If he squeals like a stuck pig, or howls like a rabid ape! If he shouts obscenities at you, or throws a punch, or runs away! If he exhibits anger or fear! He is one of us, a human, man of woman born. Fear him not!
If, too, the target reacts with confusion, if he performs a double-take, or makes words or gestures of hesitation, if he stares intently at his feet as he dashes away from you! He is your brother, and truly one of God’s children.
Any such reaction – any such exhibition of human frailty – is anathema to the wisps that wear bodies. They cannot bear to show weakness or fear. Also, they find most liquids refreshing. Particularly they enjoy immersing their humanoid shells in brine, but of the common fluids only ethyl alcohol is poison to them. An exposed wisp splashed with whiskey soon shrivels as surely as a salted slug. Their ersatz-man suits protect them, but they can still smell the stuff and with react with shrieks of fear. Therefore use no liquor when testing your target.
Splashed with another beverage the target invariably expresses pleasure: the unexpected sensation of liquid on the faux-skin thrills the space monster within, and rare is the wisp able to contain its pleasure. Moans of orgasmic joy are uncommon, but not without precedent. More commonly the target treats the experimenter to a bright smile, a chortle, a laugh and pat on the back, even thanks. The reaction is invariably a positive one, and this is your cue for violence.
In your kit there are two squirt guns, one loaded with brine and one loaded with denatured ethanol. The former is your tool for recognizing the enemy, the latter your tool for disposing of it. There is also a machete: this you will use to expose the enemy.
Godspeed! Your culture, your species, and your planet thank you.