Space Belongs to the Mouse
Who’s our leader, him to whom we all swore fealty?
Only a conspiracy theorist would say he knew it was coming, and conspiracy theories weren’t cool even when they were cool. It’s luck alone that permitted the Disney Corporation to survive the unthinkable. After all, he lost so much. Disneyland? Gone. Walt Disney World? Gone. EuroDisney? Crushed under the booted foot. Tokyo Disneyland survived the initial onslaught and panic, but it’s a mere shadow of its former self.
Who’s the spider at the center of his company?
The true heart of the Disney Corporation is the EPCOT Center. Not the one in vanished Florida: the Extragovernmental Paraphysical Central Orbiting Technology Center, the Mouse Ears in Space, launched scant months before America went missing as part of the Disney Corporation’s transition to an offshore multinational governing normalized organization (an OMGNO). Redaction of claims to citizenship were mandatory for all employees. To be a Disney company man is to be truly cosmopolitan, a citizen of the cosmos.
Who’s the ruler of this band, his merry jamboree?
Now he recognizes no government or ground-based authority; in the vacuum of space he controls and defines his Culture more tightly than he ever could dirtside. Old Man Disney, his mind and body wracked by the cancer, lives in a sealed clean room, safe from earthly toxins. In his name the Disney Operatives scour the globe, seeking out misuse of Disney intellectual property and traitors to Americo-Disney-Family Values. Now Old Man Disney’s agents, who foreswore God and Country in the name of the Mouse — now they have heard tell Americans still walk the spaces between the airports — now they come searching.
D - I - S
See you real soon.
N - E - Y
Why? Because we like you.
His Name Is Walt Disney!
They come armed with space-age gadgets. A cellular telephonic communications system frees them from land-lines and wiretaps. Hand-held electronic computers allow them to solve differential equations without a slide rule or even pencil and paper, store their names and addresses and notes. They fly ultralight helicopters. They reject crude magnetic tape in favor of optical Compact Discs and solid-state media, and their radios are AM/FM and transistorized. Their automobiles are strange super-technological hybrids of gas- and electric powered. I’m told their belts have grappling hooks and their wristwatches electromagnets and divers other widgets.
All these gewgaws are proprietary Disney Corporation technology; they will not function in the hands of an outsider. Operatives have been laced with biometrics, cybernetics, and trademarks: Disney’s science, which one day will make all this small world a better place. These devices are likewise powered by the proprietary D-Field Power field, a space-age energy broadcast from the Disney Lunar High Fusion Reactor Complex. The Moon is theirs. The future is theirs.
Some Disney Operatives practice American magic, but most rely on their trusty automatic pistols, their cell phones, and their bottomless expense accounts.
Walt Disney, EPCOT, the Mouse, the Disney Lunar High Fusion Reactor Complex, Earth’s Moon, D-Field Power, EuroDisney, Disneyland, Walt Disney World, Mouse Ears in Space, Tokyo Disney, the Doormouse, Herman Melville, B’rer Rabbit, Christopher Robin, the March Hare, Disney White Whaling Resort, Ludwig von Drake, the Mad Hatter, Brutus, Ol’ Pete, the White Rabbit, Moby-Dick, Ahab, Chip, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Pinocchio, Minnie Mouse, the Great Gatsby, Mickey’s Pal Goofy, Mickey’s Dog Pluto, B’rer Fox, Sneezy, Bashful, Doc, Tweedledee, Tiger Lily, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, the Cheshire Cat, Sleepy, Ishmael, Daisy Duck, Gyro Gearloose, Jiminy Cricket, Horace Horsecollar, the Queen of Hearts, Clara Cowbell, Prince Charming, B’rer Bear, Captain Hook, Queequeg, Mrs. Queequeg, Donald’s Nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie, Tweedledum, the Blue Fairy, the White Whale, Rich Uncle Scrooge, Billy Budd, Snow White, Magica DeSpell, Dale, Starbuck’s, Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, Eeyore, Owl, Buster Keaton, Aesop’s Fables, Rabbit, Peter Pan, the Evil Stepmother, Stubbs, Alice in Wonderland, Americo-Disney-Family Values, and all associated symbols, phrases, characters, words, ideas, and the distinct likenesses or similarities thereof are TM the Walt Disney Corporation, in perpetuity throughout the universe. All Rights Reserved.